thoughts

I'm so thankful I started this blog.  Once or twice I've gone back to read some of my posts.  I think it will end up being a very valuable keepsake for Abby's life.

Our doctor told us she has shared this with some of her other patients and it's given them some type of support.  Maybe they're just thankful that they aren't as crazy as me!! haha. Maybe it helps to watch someone else go through this and share thoughts without having to actually be in contact.  I know as I read the book Bloom, by Kelle Hampton I felt comforted. So many of her words were mine as well.  Our experiences are so different, but I could see myself in those chapters.  I felt like it was a book that I could have written, if I had an incredible talent for writing and photography like she does.  I guess it was more that I felt like she was reading my mind.

So, again, I'm thankful I've kept this blog.  I'm looking forward to making it into a book that we will have forever.

The only downside I've found from making it public is that sometimes I restrict myself.  I'm not able (willing) to share some specific pains or frustrations.  I can't be completely transparent with my experiences because I could easily offend people in our life.  I'm sure I'm not supposed to worry about that... but my parents taught me if I didn't have something nice to say I shouldn't say anything at all.  (In honesty, I break that rule sometimes.) In the end, a bit of information left out to save feelings is probably worth it.

If my kids read this in the future there will be pieces missing.  Disappointments that they may experience (associated with their own life) and not realize that I experienced also.  Maybe I will have to add a private letter to them in the book, to let them know if they are experiencing similar situations, they are not a lone.  Maybe it won't really matter.

My posts today seem so sad.  Makes me think of something I read recently....

"So this is my life.  And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be."  The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

So true.