October 16th, 2012

I'm spending some time (probably lots of time in the end) going back and updating our family blog for this year.  I haven't added anything all year.

It's strange to go back, starting in January and revisit our year.  Early in the year, when we didn't know what was ahead.  When we knew we were going to be parents to 4 children.

Then in March, seeing the pictures from the morning of March 12th.  We celebrated Nathan's birthday, and then headed off to the ultrasound.  That evening as I got in my car to go to the airport I got the message from the doctors office and I knew there was a problem.

"There are moments which mark your life.  Moments when you realize nothing will ever be the same and time is divided into two parts, before this and after this" Unknown

March 12th was one of those moments for our family.  March 20th solidified that fact when we received Abby's diagnosis.

I'm sure if I had listened I could have heard the crack in my reality, in my hopes.

There were other defining moments too, but they happened more gradually.  Like the moment that Trever said to me that he used to explain that we were being positive about a negative situation, but he had started to realize that it wasn't a negative situation anymore.  That shift of perspective was so helpful.

Abby wasn't a "negative situation".  She was a child.  She was a gift.  She has shaped us as people.  She "pruned our friends and added new ones".  She blessed my heart and although I still yearn for more moments with her, I'm so thankful for being able to embrace her journey.

Going back and thinking through this experience in the terms of what was going on in our lives this year brings me some sadness.  But it's tempered with the joy I feel as I take a moment to reflect on the blessings we have.  The beautiful moments spent together as a family, raising these amazing kids.