April 29th, 2012

I love that when I wake in the morning I have no idea of what the day will hold.  It's an unopened present with so many possibilities.

This morning we enjoyed breakfast with some very special friends from Wenatchee (they had spent the night). And then we headed off to church.  The kids all stayed with my parents (mostly my mom who got to enjoy all 3 of them falling apart... she sent us a text encouraging us to run while we could.  We brought her a coffee and lots of appreciation).  It gave Trever and I a bit of time in the car together.  Time alone with my husband is always treasured.

I was cranky.  I wasn't really enjoying a good vibe during the morning.  As we were getting out of the car Trever said he thought this was going to be a good day.  I have walked away from each church service at our new church with a message for my life, for my faith, so I figured this was a good place to turn my mood around.

As we started singing my thoughts were drawn to what songs we would choose for Abby's funeral.  I want something encouraging, upbeat, joyful.  I don't want a service filled with sadness or too much seriousness.  So my mind was already feeling a bit heavy.  Then as we started the 3rd song, "It Is Well with My Soul" one of the musicians told the background story for the hymn.  I knew the song already but not the story.  Basically the writer has gone through great challenges, he lost his only son, then the great Chicago fire ruined him financially.  Later he was retained on business so he sent his wife and 4 daughters ahead of him to Europe.  The ship sank, his wife the sole survivor in the family.  As he made the voyage himself to reunite with his wife the Captain informed him when they were over the spot where his daughters had drown.  He went back to his cabin and wrote the poem that was later turned into the Hymn.  He went on to have more children and created a life of giving with his wife, moving to Jerusalem and helping to found a group that served the poor.

The story so touching, and the song so beautiful.  I was sobbing.  My face literally drenched with tears.  Hearing about his sadness and triumph allowing me to feel my own.  Trever went and got me some napkins at the end of the song (I really need to learn to have some in my purse).

Next our pastor asked for any prayer requests (something he does irregularly).  The first person asked for prayers for her friend who just found out that the baby she is expecting in 2 weeks has arms and legs that did not develop, but they don't yet know why.   The next woman asked for prayers for her sister who was scheduled the next day for a high risk c-section.  Her last baby died 2 days before birth, can you imagine the fear she is experiencing right now?

By this point I was flooding my face with tears again (and I was stifling the uncomfortable giggles that I get when crying in public while also thinking "are you kidding me?????) and Trever was starting to join me.  He mentioned to Pastor Rhyan that he could share our story (did I mention we were in the front row?  good day to blend in). I'm so thankful that we had already shared our story with Rhyan.  He did a beautiful job of telling our story, of recognizing that Abigail isn't expected to live but we don't know if that means she'll die before we meet her or that she may enjoy life with us for some time.  My favorite part was when he encouraged people (most of these people we don't know as we are super new to this church) "to tell us they love us, but not to try to say something helpful.  Because what could be helpful?"  I actually laughed, and loved him a bit more at that moment.

The rest of service was just as touching (Rhyan actually showed a clip from Brian Reagan, one of our favorite comedians... see we were meant to be at this church).  And at the end we were engulfed by wonderful people.  The stories that we heard were powerful.  My favorite moments were when people simply introduced themselves and said they didn't know what to say.  I don't either, so we're in the same boat.

We left church feeling exhausted and refreshed.  Sometimes I just need to hit a brick wall of feeling, letting the emotion wash over and cleanse me.