There are moments that crush my soul. It's often a moment that is so beautiful feels devastating.
Today the kids and I went to the river with my dad. As we walked into the camper Natalie said "Look it's Abby" (or maybe she said "Look, Abby is in here"). Nathan instantly perked up and swung around saying "where?".
When Natalie showed him that she was talking about a picture of Abigail he visibly deflated. Then he said "Oh, I thought she was really here. I wish she was here." He went to say something about how amazing that would have been. You could see that his little heart had really responded to Natalie's first comment.
All I could say was that I wish she was here too.
I keep a wall up most days, when the wall cracks and I get a glimpse into my pain it's almost too much to handle.
I can't believe it's almost been a year.