July 8th, 2012

We're just finishing up a crazy holiday week/weekend.  I love all the distractions, especially when it's time with my family and friends.

We got news that we are scheduled for an induction on the 24th.  I'm full of all sorts of emotions.  Mostly feeling hesitant and sad that my last pregnancy will be over, nervous about what the next stage will be like, and super excited to finally hold our darling girl.

I can't believe in just over two weeks we will touch her sweet little face and hold her hands.  I am so overwhelmed with the idea of actually having her in my arms.  Whether she is alive or gone I know it will be such a beautiful and emotional experience.

I hear myself talking to people and I still sound so detached from the emotional side of this journey.  People probably think I'm either "doing so great", or that I'm weird and callus.  Neither of those observations is actually true.  It's all just too overwhelming to focus on or acknowledge during most moments of my day.

Right now I just want to remember to smile every time I feel a wiggle or a kick.  I want to slow down and appreciate this big belly with this tiny little girl.  I want to do what I can to enjoy each day with my other kids before our life gets turned upside down by the arrival of their little sister, while trying to make time go as slowly as possible.

And if it's not too much to ask of myself... I'd like to start cooking healthy meals for the family like I used to do.  I know it will be temporary, but I can at least hope to fill the next two weeks with great food.  Our kids are going to be in shock when their Mommy is back someday... cooking a variety of nutritious meals instead of whatever I think they will happily eat.  Meal times have been fairly sad around here (as far as meeting their nutritional needs and my normal desire to enjoy a meal)... although I will say that I made a delicious halibut recipe recently and Nathan said "Mommy, you are a really good cook, you use good ingredients."  Bless his little heart.