It was one year ago today that I talked to our doctor about the concerns regarding our baby.
I can go back to that moment so easily.
The tension of sitting and waiting for the call, while trying to interact and remain present with my friends. The apprehension as the phone rang, and walking over to the other side of the pool to have the conversation with Dr. Sears.
Hearing the list of concerns.
Being both overwhelmed by the intensity of the emotions, while also feeling numb. Utter disbelief.
Sobbing so hard that she had to sit and wait for me to catch my breath.
The rest of the night I was in shock. Knowing our life had just shifted, but not knowing what the journey would look like.
Just thinking back to one year ago brings tears to my eyes. My chest is tight. I ache for the days before our reality became known. For the morning that we ate birthday cake, celebrating our first son and getting ready to go for our ultrasound to meet our youngest baby.
I had no way of knowing that although our news was devastating, the journey would hold beauty. Our story didn't revolve around the loss and sadness. There was so much love, so many precious memories to be made. Memories that I get to hold onto for all of my years.
The worst chapter that I ever want to experience in my life was also filled with so many blessings. Lessons about life, about love, about embracing the journey.
I'm so glad we got to meet our little Abigail. To hold her and love her. To cherish her while we grew her. To know that she touched so many and she will always be in our hearts.
We were so blessed to have time with our angel. But, oh what I would do for just a few more moments. To feel her in my arms, to touch her soft skin. To tell her how much I treasure her, how much I miss her.