March is Trisomy Awareness month. I remember learning a few years ago that March 21st was Down Sydrome awareness day. At the time I didn't realize that each of the first 23 days of march held a different significance.
March 18th will probably always feel different to me. (March because it is the 3rd month and Trisomy is a condition with a 3rd copy of a chromosome... just in case this isn't making sense.)
I spent time watching our video from Abigails service. I watched it with Natalie. We both with Abigail had stayed with us. My heart is so sad for Natalie, and for myself (and the rest of the family) when I hear her say "I wish Abigail had stayed". What a loving a precious sister Natalie is, I wish she had been given more time to love on Abigail.
I remember being so thankful we were at the hospital. But I'm always torn when I look back. Wishing we had been at home, that our kids could have come and gone from the room. Living their life and interacting with their sister more.
It's not healthy to think too much about those thoughts. The past can't be changed. And I know at the time we were very peaceful and thankful for how the story unfolded. I'm just so thankful we had the kids come back to the hospital to spend more time with Abigail.
In the video it's so obvious which pictures were taken when she was still strong and which came later when her body was working so hard to live. It's clear why we felt so confident in her life those first hours. What a gift, to feel so much hope.
My feeling of being incomplete isn't as strong lately. My heart aches for Abigail, but it also feels peace from the love that still surrounds me.