The crazy overwhelmed feelings have passed. They passed over a week ago.
It obviously wasn't the holidays. Maybe it was the timing, just one year ago we were delighting in the news of a new pregnancy.
And now I'm settling into this new normal. Becoming friends with this void in my life. Knowing we have a lifetime to live together.
I was "ambushed" at church on Sunday. As I watched these two teenage girls reading a story about Christmas for the pagent I hit a wall of sorrow. Natalie will never stand up with her sister, I will never see my two girls grown up together. I've known that for a long time, but sometimes I see it in new way. It's amazing how raw the anguish can feel.
I'm at a place right now where I can be ambushed by emotion, but I can still walk through my days. It's painful to be reminded of our loss, of the loss of so many desires. At the same time, I can look at pictures of Abby and smile at the experience we had.
We were so blessed. We are so blessed.