Friday, December 21, 2012

December 21th, 2012

The crazy overwhelmed feelings have passed.  They passed over a week ago.

It obviously wasn't the holidays.  Maybe it was the timing, just one year ago we were delighting in the news of a new pregnancy.

And now I'm settling into this new normal.  Becoming friends with this void in my life.  Knowing we have a lifetime to live together.

I was "ambushed" at church on Sunday.  As I watched these two teenage girls reading a story about Christmas for the pagent I hit a wall of sorrow.  Natalie will never stand up with her sister, I will never see my two girls grown up together.  I've known that for a long time, but sometimes I see it in new way.  It's amazing how raw the anguish can feel.

I'm at a place right now where I can be ambushed by emotion, but I can still walk through my days.  It's painful to be reminded of our loss, of the loss of so many desires.  At the same time, I can look at pictures of Abby and smile at the experience we had.

We were so blessed.  We are so blessed.

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