Wednesday, December 26, 2012

December 26th, 2012

We went out for dinner with friends for my birthday tonight.  Something I've done with my best friends since high school... for 20 years.

Someone mentioned that I was pregnant last year.  I thought about it for a moment and then told them that no, that was the year before. Andrew is almost 2 now.

Then it hit me... I was pregnant last year.

To soften the awkwardness of the moment we started telling inappropriate stories associated with Abby.  Stories of other awkward moments.  It was funny.

Sometimes it's easy to be detached from the pain and find the humor, the lighter side of the story.  I almost think I'm getting a glimpse of what it will be like to talk about Abigail when I can just smile and feel gratitude, not sadness.

I wonder if that will ever fully happen???  Probably not.

It all just happened so fast.  What I would do to go back 5 months and hold her again.  5 months and 1 day.

I don't feel sad right now, just a longing for such a special moment.

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