Friday, December 7, 2012

December 7th, 2012

I wonder if it's "the holidays" that are making me feel a bit down.  Which by the way, would have been an understatement on Wednesday.  I can't count the number of times my eyes filled with tears, I walked through the day like a zombie.  I couldn't connect to the world around me.  It was a day for putting one foot in front of the other and sticking with a routine.

I've slowly been coming back to myself.  But I'm still a bit numb.

So back to my question.  Is it the holiday season?  And why is that?  My sister in law and I were talking about it, wondering about it.  Is it that we are using so much energy and emotion that we don't have the reserves left that we need?

Am I feeling this way because my subconscious (and now my conscious mind) realize that it was one year ago that we were excited about the beginning of another pregnancy?  It was right at the beginning of December that we finally started sharing the news.  We had considered waiting and sharing the news as a Christmas present... but we're really not good at waiting.

For whatever the reason it just reminds me that I am a Zebra hidden among horses.  I can look and act the same (most days), but I have stripes.  I'm just a little bit different.

I still love this quote:  "So this is my life.  And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be." The Perks of Being a Wallflower.


  1. Jennifer! I can't find an email for you, but you won the Origami Owl locket giveaway. When I read through your story I was so glad it worked out that way. There's no one else more deserving of a sweet reminder of their child.

  2. Peters! I think about you and your family all of the time. Amazing, strong, wonderful people you are. I don't know how you do it. Continued prayers for healing. I know this time of year can be hard for people who have lost a loved one, yet alone a child. Please let me know if there is anything I can do. Merry Merry Merry Christmas to your family and your little Angel in heaven. TTF