Tuesday, December 4, 2012

December 4th, 2012

It's strange to feel heavy emotions again.  I forget that this cloud of sadness is bound to reappear from time to time.  Usually without warning or reason.

I can feel the physical weight of my emotions, the heaviness on my eyes and shoulders.

I saw a commercial with a baby in a hospital blanket, my body instantly tried to turn away from the TV before my mind had even registered what was happening.

I was thinking that this grieving process isn't necessarily as difficult as people might think, at least not in the way they would think.  At the same time, it so much more difficult than I probably show.

All I want to do is lay in bed.  Just lay there.  Nothing else.  I could, but for some reason I won't.  I wonder when I wake up tomorrow if I will wish I had taken this day off.  Trever will be gone for a few days so this is my only chance.


  1. If you get a chance, take a look at https://www.facebook.com/2012LoveAndLossPage
    I attended their 1st conference this last September and would love to invite you to the next one! Just a bunch of us mamas that "get it."

    1. I just posted that but didn't let you know that I've been thinking about you and haven't been letting your know. sorry. This is a hard season to not feel guilty about feeling sad when you're supposed to be feeling happy, or feeling happy when you think you should be feeling sad. They're not exclusive of each other. You've come a long way in just a few short months. This is the first of many Christmases to come. Praying for comfort and freedom to feel what Christmas feels like TO YOU and for you.