I've gone back to work. I'm glad that I took time to be with family and to somewhat protect myself from the masses for a while. I feel like I'm in a comfortable spot now, so it's good to be back. Even if there are emotional challenges.
On my last trip there was a family of 6 that caught my eye in the airport. The kids were similar in age to my kids, and the youngest was in an infant carrier. It's impossible for me to see a family like that and not think about our loss. To know that I thought I would have a growing baby, about 6 months old.
On most of my flights I've had at least one baby. I have to laugh at myself. I just want to hold those babies, to just walk around and snuggle them (especially when the baby is a girl). Can you imagine if I told the parents why I'm so drawn to their baby? That my arms feel so empty.
The strange thing is that (so far) I don't feel the same about babies that I know. Well, other than sweet little Ava. My arms can't get enough of her.
Maybe I just haven't been around other babies as much.