I remember when Natalie was little. There were times (haha) that she would be crying so loudly in the car. I would remind myself that it was a blessing to have a baby crying, that there were plenty of families who would gladly embrace what can easily be considered an annoyance.
Today I realized that I am now on the other side of that story. I am the one who wishes I had to take deep breaths to help myself relax and embrace the baby. Or just to hear her cry, even if it was upsetting everyone in the car.
It was a strange moment to remember how I used to feel, and to know that I was so right. And it was fitting to realize this on the 4 month anniversary of Abby's death.
Playing with the kids tonight was so great. But in truth my mind was really focused on how much I wish we had another little one to raise. I just love raising these kids, they are so great (in my opinion, which is clearly biased).
But the sadness that I feel when I long for Abigail to still be in our life isn't overwhelming anymore (at least not right now). It feels more like an old comfortable blanket. Almost warm and welcoming rather than piercing.