Friday, November 9, 2012

November 9th, 2012

Trever and I had a great time.  I always miss the kids so much, and I swear that is more intense since we lost Abby.  But I also have such a great time with my husband, and that is so important to us right now.

While we were at the Glass Museum I could hear a baby crying, it sounded like a very little baby getting a diaper change.  The sound was a little too much for me, I kind of started to feel panicked. I either needed to get to that baby and hold it, or get the hell out of the hallway where we were.  Obviously we went with option 2.

I'm getting a chuckle right now thinking about how the story would sound if I had gone with option 1.

And then at dinner, in the midst of seemingly casual conversation, my eyes welled up with tears.

It shouldn't shock me.  I think of Abigail all the time.  But I don't always feel the emotion associated with the thoughts.  So when I do, I'm often times taken off guard.

It's good for me, it helps me to feel normal.  It helps me to feel closer to this experience and Abigail.

I tend to be detached from emotion, I logic my way through situations.  This comes as a constant shock to me since I was always considered "so emotional" growing up.  Trever laughs when I tell him that.  I tend to feel insecure about being "so emotional"... it's strange to think that childhood tags don't always remain in adulthood.  (That is not to say I don't have strong emotional reactions, especially when I'm mad.)

I'm thankful that Abigail is helping me to be more comfortable with my emotions.  That she is helping me to rediscover the joy of tears.

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