I used to see children with special needs and feel curious about them. I'll be honest, part of me has always been thankful that my children don't have special needs. It's a scary unknown.
I read this yesterday:
Actually, when I think of our situation, I really don't think of our ‘Trisomy journey.’ I think of our ‘Ella journey.’ Ella, the little girl who wasn't supposed to live. Ella, the little girl who pruned our friends, and made new ones for us. Ella, the little girl who made our sons more compassionate kids. Ella, the little girl that made me a better person, in every aspect of my life. For some reason Ella doesn't make us sad, even now"
It really touched me. It's true that what others see as a hardship can be a blessing. And "pruning your friends, and made new ones for us" is a benefit to your future.
When we were at the zoo last month I found that I looked at the children with special needs with a longing in my heart. I'm always wondering why we didn't get more time with Abby, and what that time might have looked like considering her T18.
I know we did everything we could think of to embrace her life and to celebrate her. I'm confident we gave her the life that was written for her. I just wish her life had been written with a few more days or weeks, or longer.
So now when I see a child with special needs I feel a connection to them. I feel a extra bit of love for the life they are leading. It's still a scary thought since it's unknown what that would really be like for our family. So I'll be honest again that it's still a bit terrifying to consider another pregnancy and what our life would look like if we had a child with special needs. But I also know, from getting a glimpse, that we would embrace the differences and find the blessings. (we're not planning another pregnancy)