Saturday, August 25, 2012

Abby's one month birthday

I was just looking at Abigail's picture and thinking about her.  She would have been one month old today.  We knew the odds were so low that she would live to see this day.  But we had hope. We had to mentally prepare for  both possibilities.  The milestones give extra prompting to remember what we had and what is gone.

That is exactly what I had been sitting and thinking as I looked at her darling face.  It was so quick.  It leaves me with confusion and pain.  I've never looked at my children's baby pictures without being able to also look at my children.

A friend sent a very thoughtful email today, her thoughts are so true, 

I can't help thinking that after all the long
months of the emotions you went through, to have her here for what must
seem like such a fleeting moment must be terribly hard to move forward

I miss her.

One month ago we were just starting our day.  Not knowing what was ahead.  We were joyfully embracing Abigail and excited to share her with the world.  A few hours into the morning our room filled with visitors.  

When I think about her life, the moments when we were able to share her are the ones that are most clear for me.  They are filled with love, joy and celebration.  I'm so thankful that we had so many visitors.  That we were in such a joyful place and could welcome our friends. 

I'm so thankful that when we knew Abby's time was going to be short we still took the time to celebrate her with our family and friends.  I never would have known how important it would be to have my friends surround me at the end of the night.  

As my friend said yesterday on our walk, "It was a Bloom moment".  Our net of friends and family were there to join us in our joy and catch us in our sorrow.

I wouldn't trade one moment of this story to lessen my pain.  I'm so glad that we were given the gift to be Abby's parents.  To love her in my belly, to share her with our friends, to show her this world and let her feel the sunshine on her face.

Even as my eyes fill with tears I'm able to find a smile on my face.  She is such a sweet little Angel.

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