I really should write more, I feel like I'm not capturing this experience as much anymore. I want to say that there are so many highs and lows... but really I just feel like I'm living in the middle. In a bit of a daze.
Today we're heading out of town for Trever's 20 year reunion. We had really hoped that Abigail would be with us. 3 1/2 weeks didn't feel like a long span of time between her birth and this reunion. Now it feels like it's been an eternity.
It'll be the first time I'm in the situation I've dreaded... "How many children do you have?", I'm sure I'll get "Oh, you have 3 kids?" since Nathan, Natalie and Andrew will be with us. Abigail is such a huge part of my thoughts, my heart. How do I leave her out? I know I don't have to, but how do I really have that conversation with strangers.
I'm glad I'll only be going to the picnic, I don't know that I have the energy to be around strangers for two evenings. That's a bit selfish, Trever will be with everyone the second night. He'll still have to navigate the conversations, with people who are essentially strangers at this stage in life.
We had a funny discussion about whether or not to bring Abby's quilt. We both wanted it with us, but the weather will be HOT so it's kind of not necessary. We both thought the other person would think it could be left behind. Tears welled up in my eyes, I just couldn't leave it behind. We haven't been away from the quilt since we went into the hospital. Trever sighed with relief when I finally said I couldn't leave it. I'm just not ready yet, and neither is he.