Saturday, April 21, 2012

April 21st 2012

My parents are so amazing.  They have all my kids for the day.  I mentioned a few days ago that I think I need some time to just disconnect from everything.  I was looking forward to a bath, just laying and relaxing.

After a friend came over last night for a quick play date and dinner I was able to get my bath. Thanks to 3 exhausted kids who were easily in bed on time, and no desire to actually clean up at the end of the day.

Today I took advantage of the kids wanting to play outside with my parents.  I dropped them off, and went out mindlessly shopping.  It was nice, for a while.  I talked with a good friend while looking at furniture, then popped in and out of some stores.  My cell phone was dying, I think it gave me too much time by myself.

And then I came home and finished reading a book that a friend had sent to me.  Heaven Is For Real.  I really tried to stay open minded about the story.  And I did a good message from it.  There is comfort in the visual that Abigail is more than her body.  I'm still working on the idea that she has a brother or sister already waiting for her in heaven.  I believe that life starts well before we meet our child, it's just a hard leap for me to visualize them together.

Today is so beautiful, the perfect NW day.  But I'm feeling a bit depressed, obviously okay and normal but still not fun.  I don't live in this mental space well.

I miss my Trever.  I think I see a pattern that the days are harder for me when he is gone.  And he'll be gone 3 1/2 days.  I'll make it, I just prefer my time with him around.  He's the only one on this journey with me, at least in the same role as me.  (that is not to minimize the affect this is having on our parents).

I think I'll be heading down to my parents house to collect my littlest.  Distractions are good.  And all 3 of my distractions are welcome in my life.  I also have a friend coming over for dinner and a movie, I know the evening will be wonderful.

Hopefully this slump will fade away.  My eyes feel so heavy.  The days are long when I feel like this.

I think sitting outside with a huge plate of nachos and a beer with my friends would be so nice.

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