We met with our doctor this morning. Dr. McMahon, she is wonderful. She has a way of supporting and encouraging us, educating us and giving us hope. And I think she does all of that without realizing it. She is so calm and compassionate. We have been so blessed with the medical team that surrounds us. At each step the right person has been placed in our path.
Ruth, Dr. McMahon's ultrasound technician is amazing too. As I walked with her to the exam room she asked how I was doing. And then as she shut the door she said "So, how are you really doing?". The extra prompting allowed me to open up, to share where I was at. And she listens, and she answers questions "to the best of her knowledge". I feel like I'm surrounded by such capable, caring professionals. See, blessings abound.
I've been feeling anxious about what this appointment would hold. I just didn't know, would we learn something new about Abby? And I put together a list of questions to help me gain more clarity. Then I promptly left the list sitting in my office. But I realized, none of it is that important today. Today it's important to just take it one step at a time, walk into the office, see what happens, ask the questions that come to mind. It worked. We got to see our beautiful girl, she is growing - slowly but surely- and her little heart is still beating strong. Oh that sweet little heart. It might not last as long as I would like, but it's sure working well right now.
We talked about delivery. At this point we are leaning towards delivering at St. Joes in Tacoma. We'll be inducing somewhere between 37-39 weeks. We learned that there are no benefits associated with continuing the pregnancy longer than 39 weeks and there is increased risk of stress on the baby if the placenta starts to deteriorate (which happened with Natalie). I'll be trying all of the tricks to kick-start labor on my own, but we'll probably end up medically inducing.
Dr. McMahon talked about the support that we would receive from the hospital. As well as the support that we would get from using Hospice after we go home. They can help monitor Abby's comfort level and work to make her more comfortable when needed. We won't have someone here 24 hours a day, but we'll have a support team. I'm sure that will bring us comfort.
It's so hard to face the sadness that is ahead of us. It's so wonderful to be reminded of this darling little girl growing in my belly. She's a strong little girl, and I'm so glad we are getting this time with her. I am so hopeful for the moments that we will have with her after she is born. To hold her, love her, touch her precious fingers and toes. I know it will be so different than the births of our other children. I will cherish each moment in a different way, I will focus on her with a different understanding.
Even though we have about 15 weeks to go I am feeling super excited right now. Just thinking of Abby is bringing a smile to my face, to my heart. Sometimes it's hard to see past the confusion, but right now it's just a view filled with blessings and love.