Wednesday, May 16, 2012

May 16th, 2012

Nathan "I wonder when God will put a baby in your belly again?"
Me: "do you mean when will Abby come out?"
N: "No.  I mean after Abby is out."
Me: "Oh honey, I don't think we're going to put another baby in our belly"
N: "But you don't know. Maybe God will put another baby in there to replace Abby."

We talked about how Trever and I had wanted 4 children and Abby is our 4th child.  He knows that she won't be with us for very long, and he likes the idea of having more kids.  I'm sure this is confusing to Nathan.  Sometimes it's confusing to me.  I'm thankful to have had the opportunity to grow this baby.  But it's sad to know I won't have four little ones running underfoot someday.

The moments when I watch Andrew really starting to turn into a toddler make the sadness even more tangible.  We might have a baby around for a bit, but we won't have a toddler again.  I don't like to let my thoughts linger there for too long.  It makes my heart ache.

I'd rather focus on her kicks and wiggles.

I go for a doctors appointment today.  It makes me realize I haven't felt her kicks today, and I don't remember if I felt her as I went to sleep last night.  Hopefully she starts kicking soon so I don't walk into the appointment with nerves.  I'd rather go in confident and excited to hear her darling little heartbeat.

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