Wednesday, May 9, 2012

May 9th, 2012

My sweet little girl has been wiggling around a lot today.  Such beautiful reminders of her strength.  I can't believe we will meet her in less than 11 weeks.  It's going so fast.  I'm so excited.

I learn so much from my other kiddos.  They love little Abby.  They come up and give her hugs (I've mistaken those hugs as being intended for me...I was quickly corrected!!), Natalie tries to poke her or say hello to her through my belly button.  Nathan lays with his hand on my belly at night hoping to feel her, and he talks so kindly about her.  They know she is different than they are, that she will go to heaven before we do.  (Thanks so much to my friend Tiffanie for the "Heaven is for Real for Kids" book).  They aren't aren't burdened with the painful emotions that I sometimes feel, with the unnatural process of planning a funeral while still eagerly anticipating her arrival.  They just love on her.  They teach me so much, and I am so grateful for each of them.

I'm so curious how Andrew will react.  He still gets a bit jealous when I hold other babies... I think he'll want to be on our lap with her all the time.  Our laps will be filled with love.

This new normal has become comfortable for me.  Sometimes I have to remind myself that it's still a shock to most other people.  Sitting and talking with my friend Beth this weekend was funny.  I got to say things that sound "normal" to me but are clearly outrageous statements.  She got to laugh and show shock at my reality.  Ahh, the things I could say on Facebook.  All so inappropriate.  I'm glad that there are people in my life who can handle my humor and the craziness of this journey.  People who also reach out and love me for where I am each day.  And definitely for the people who are open to helping me plan a funeral.  I don't even know where to start with that one, but it's something I want to take care of sooner rather than later.

On the lighter side... Trever thinks we should plan a party each week that Abigail is with us.  So... if you are looking for a reason to celebrate life, please join us!  You may have to let us know you are interested in joining us, we'll be sure to put you on the VIP list so the bouncers will let you by.

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